I am emotional right now, not only because I'm receiving my annual visit from Aunt Flo, but also because I get short waves of depression, usually based on life-happenings. I'm a happy person, I am aware of all the wonderful things I've been blessed with, and the amazing people I'm lucky to have in my life. But this monster inside me refuses to leave for good. Most of the time he sleeps (although I'm sure Elise would argue that), but when he does wake, I become a different person. I've never wanted medication because I've never felt it was often enough to prescribe, but he's coming around a lot lately, and I feel it's because I'm enticing him myself.
What is my deal?
I seem to ask myself that a lot lately. When I'm depressed, I shut down, become quiet, I'm sure everyone knows the routine, but most of all, I become a jerk to the love of my life. I lash out on her the most, probably because I know she'll still love me when my monster retreats. But there's no excuse, I want her to know I'm sorry. I have an imagination that wanders and invents a hundred stories for every one reality. The things my mind comes up with scare me, and make me worried and paranoid about things I shouldn't worry about.
Trust and Honesty are at the top of my list of qualities I want for myself, and in my significant other. Elise - you have that, and everything else on the list of my dream person. You're all I could ask for and more. We'll blame it on the period that I'm crying now, just thinking about how lucky I am, but please know that I know. I know I have the girl everyone wants.I apologize for every time I've let my monster get the best of me, and every time he will in the future. Please stick with me. Be patient. We've gotten through worse, and will continue to fight life's battles hand in hand. I love you, Elise. So much more than I can ever explain in words. Always.