Monday, July 5, 2010
Little bit of venting...
I need to vent. I cannot handle ignorant people. I have such a short tolerance for them it's ridiculous. I mean ignorant people who have no desire to hear others opinions or even listen to the facts. There is someone in my life who I have no other option but to associate with them and see them on a regular basis. I try so hard to hear their side of things but then when I want to comment I'm rudely interrupted with either a head shake accompanied by a sarcastic roll of the eyes or a "no." It's not just the gay thing (although that is the biggest). It's the color of skin, it's how someone walks, it's someones name and sometimes I feel like it is literally how someone puts their pants on in the morning. You think someone this extreme I would just be able to laugh it off but it affects too many people. People I care about. I hate feeling anger. I hate how he affects me. If anyone has any advice on letting this go please let me know. This one person is the only one person who really has this kind of affect on me and I'm sure they love it.
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It's harder to decide what's more frustrating: ignorant people, or not being listened to.
ReplyDeleteMy family and I had an experience with racism just last night, at a nationally known restaurant chain. It happens. The important thing to remember is, it's no reflection on you. Other people are ignorant, for their own reasons--fear, whatever. It's not your responsibility to enlighten them, indeed, it's not even in your power to do so. Sometimes, I think, the best thing we can possibly do is let people know when they're being racist. Sometimes, they disagree. Usually, they disagree.
But, as I pointed out last night (in our marathon post mortem--let me tell you, you've never truly experienced racism until you, or someone in your family, is in a mixed marriage) to my husband, it's not like people regard themselves as ignorant. To them, their viewpoints make perfect sense. Everybody likes to think of themselves as a good person.
As far as advice on letting this go: well, what I do is, I blog about it. I occasionally change names, or minor facts, to protect the guilty, but it's been a tremendous release for me. I also find that reminding myself that it's no reflection on me really helps. And, more than anything else, I find that a sense of humor is best of all. It's not always possible to have a sense of humor, but you can still joke. Also, cultivate your support network--whether IRL or with bloggy friends, reach out to people who understand where you're coming from, who you can vent to. Sometimes, the best panacea is realizing that, indeed, we're not alone.
(This is *not* an advertisement for my blog at all, but I list a couple of (in my opinion) good resources there, including some great blogs by ex-Mo's, MoHo's, and other open-minded folks. Some of them, like our mutual friend, and "Molly", have become friends IRL. Also, whatever your past or current religious affiliation, the folks on the exmormon.org boards are a terrific group of people, and a tremendous resource. They span the gammut from TBM to unbelievably, blatantly super angry (and nuts), but they're a great resource and a sounding board.
I hope this helps!
I think it's awfully self-absorbed and egotistical to think its OK to wax on about your views but refuse to listen or to dismiss someone else's views without letting them finish. Is it possible to say to this person nicely: hey, I listened to you, you don't have to agree, but how about listening to me? Otherwise, lets not discuss this at all.
ReplyDeleteIf not, just smile and nod and then vent here...
Thanks guys! I appreciate the advice! Ü
ReplyDeleteElise, I know exactly who you are talking about, and I hope none of your friends on here think he is the way he is because he's "Mo". It's because he's a self-absorbed person who is intolerant to other people's way of thinking. Kind of narcissistic from what you and Sam have told me and I am sorry that he brings you such grief. A lot of Mo's out there may feel that way, but I think a lot MORE feel the way I do. I respect everyone for their beliefs and I don't judge anyone. I may make the occasional random and very sarcastic Dr. Cox-like comment, but I never judge anyone. That's isn't my job. Unfortunately, this member of your close-knit community feels it is his job. Do as much avoiding as you can at certain functions, focus on the people you really want to be with and just keep reminding yourself that he'll get his in the end. Sorry this has to happen, but I guess part of life is learning how to deal with people like this. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Linds. I actually don't think it has anything to do with religion, I think a lot of it does have to do with upbringing. Yes, I think you are most definately right that this is helping me learn how to deal with, or not deal with people.
ReplyDelete