Thursday, March 3, 2011

Monogomy??? What's that?!

Sam and I have some friends visiting from Eugene, Oregon. They happen to be in an open relationship. I think this can be taken many ways, so just to be clear, this isn't for sexual purposes specifically, although it is allowed. They hope to build intimate and good healthy relationships with other women while still maintaining and keeping focus on their relationship. I try to be an open-minded person and try not only to accept people for their decisions, but to also understand. This has been a little tricky for me to understand, but luckily they talk so openly about it I can ask all the questions I need, so I can get closer to understanding.
First off let me say I am traditional in the sense that I love a committed relationship. I love the idea of sacrificing other things for the person you love and have promised to be true to. Now, trying to keep my mind open to all points of view, people in an open relationship would probably argue they are still being true because the other is aware and it is a mutual agreement. Maybe I used the term "being true" in the wrong context, because it isn't cheating or being deceitful. What I'm getting down to is I like the idea of a monogomous relationship.
When I was discussing monogomy with one of these friends, she brought something to my attention. Monogomy is what we have been conditioned to believe. I completely agree. I know that attraction or chemistry to someone other than the person you are with is natural. Growing up you learn that monogomy is right so when you get into an open relationship it can be viewed as selfish, wrong or weak when it's human instict to have that attraction and act on those feelings. I agree with everything she said as far as that goes, BUT (there's always a but) I see something very special about commitment and sacrifice.
In the past 5 and a half years Sam and I have known each other, we have both had attractions toward other people. I think it's important to not be in denial of those feelings or to feel guilty for them because it's a natural thing. It's important to recognize those feelings for what they are but just that. Although I have had feelings for someone else while being in a relationship, I need to remember that this person can better my life and possibly be a friend if that's doable. It's even more important for me to remember why I am with Sam and what it meant to me when I committed myself to her. When I think of people I've been attracted to, they haven't held a candle to Sam. Not to say Sam is a better person, but Sam is better for me. Thinking about the people I've met in my life, no one is more compatible for me than Sam. I'm so glad I can be true to her (there's that phrase again) and show her how much I love her by sacrificing potential romantic relationships with other people. I think it makes us stronger and it constantly reminds me how perfect she is for me - that's not saying we don't have A LOT to work on.
I love my Oregon friends and if an open relationship works for them, then I stand behind them. I just know I couldn't let go of jealousy, guilt and resentment. I might be old school but I love being monogomous. I love you baby.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. I certainly can't say that I have NEVER felt other feelings for men besides Mike in the 14 years we have been together. That would be a blatant lie. What is true, though, is that even though I have felt those feelings, I have never wanted to or been tempted to cheat on Mike because I would die if I lost him. He has made it clear that if I do cheat, I will lose him. So, I ask myself, would it be worth it? Would it be worth it to have a fling that in the end would probably hurt me only to lose the love of my life for good? HELL NO!! Okay, I will get off my soap box now. ;)