My Latest Craze...

I gave into what my parents, Sam's parents and some friends have had a lot of success doing. It's an app on the iPhone called My Fitness Pal. I LOVE it. Some say I obsess over it and I call it a control issue but nonetheless it's amazing. Not that you care to hear, but it tells me how many calories I should have a day and I enter in everything I consume and every calorie I burn. I don't know that I have lost weight in the week I've been doing it but I feel better. The crazy thing is I had no idea how many calories I was eating everyday. It definitely made me a lot more aware of what I put in my body. I also now have more of an incentive to work out because that means I can eat more!

So it's my day off and since the elementary school where I volunteer has a short day I had to find something productive to do. Thanks to Carolyn (one of my favorite cooks and bakers) I did. She gave me an awesome recipe for some delicious low calorie muffins. 42 calories a muffin?!?! I was all over that. Thank you Carolyn. I was lucky enough to share some with my little sis and one of our dearest friends when they came to visit. They loved them as well, but since there wasn't chocolate in them my attempt to force them down Taylor's throat was unsuccessful. Here is me being proud of the very difficult recipe I had to follow (2 packages of spice cake mix and a can of pumpkin), and the second picture of me is saying, "Don't you want one of these?" The last picture is Frankie and I enjoying.

(not sure why my eye looks googly)

I'm now onto my workout and then hopefully an amazing night with my very favorite people! I love you Wednesdays!

One more thing, thanks to my very lovely girlfriend for going on this calorie counting quest with me! Always easier with a partner. AND congratulations to mine and Sam's parents on their success with My Fitness Pal. You all look amazing!

"Utah, people working together!"

I'm having a bit of a rough morning. As anyone who knows me, I have been baby hungry for as long as I can remember. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've posted on babies previously. Sam is always back and forth on the baby topic but currently is on board. She killed me yesterday forcing me to play the "Yes or No" game with all the baby clothes at the store. She keeps saying we should look into adoption, so this morning I did.

Basically, unless we lie we cannot adopt. If we were to "break-up" and live apart for a while we could get around it. It blows my mind that I can adopt as a single woman but the two of us couldn't do it together. We happen to live in 1 of the 3 states that makes it impossible for a gay couple to adopt. (The other two are Arkansas and Florida for those who are curious.) So sad. Thank you Utah.

Sam and I were finally ready to make a life here in Salt Lake, and then found out we cannot create a family through adoption. You're probably thinking we shouldn't be surprised, after all it is the Mormon state. I don't want to just move and leave Utah to keep it doing this to every gay couple. It will never progress if we do that. We have to be the change we want to see. So the next thing we look at is trying to get one of us pregnant. Sam doesn't have that desire to carry a baby which is fine, so we look to me. First things first, getting me pregnant isn't going to be easy. Other than my families' history of the trickiness of being able to get prego, I have endometriosis. So a lot of money later there's a good chance we still don't have a baby.

I guess at this point I'm not completely discouraged because I don't know enough. I've been doing some online research and reading a lot but I know there is still more to learn. If anyone is knowledgeable on this topic or knows a gay couple in Utah who was able to adopt I would love some info. I know Sam and I could make some amazing parents. If you have some extra sperm laying around we'll take that too!

Six Years Today

Some of the day today I thought, "I can't believe it's been SIX whole years since we first hung out," and other parts of the day I thought, "I can't believe it's ONLY been six years, it seems like longer...".

September 8th, 2005, she picked me up in her black Mazda 3, named Ebony, and Meatloaf was playing in her CD player. I said how I loved Meatloaf, she laughed that contagious laugh, and then I knew she was going to be important in my life.

We've been through so much together Elise, I can't even begin to describe the emotions we've pulled out of each other, or the feelings that go along with each precious memory. I love you and your quarter of a shaved head more than you can imagine. I always will.

Happy 6-Years-Since-We-First-Hung-Out, Love. Here's to eighty more.

-Sam

Another Observation of a Stranger

His hands slowly soared forward to pat an invisible box, then sprang back one after the other. Again. Then the fingers of his left hand scratched an invisible record, followed by some air drumming. The side of his head steadily hit a non-existent wall to his left while his hands now snaked through the air.

This guy with his khaki shorts, goatee and sunglasses gave a new meaning to "Dance like nobody's watching." He did just that. And he was definitely watched; by me and several other surrounding drivers. He wasn't even hidden by tinted windows or car doors, he was seen clearly on the seat of his cherry red Vespa. Had he not had iPod earphones in, people might've wondered about him, but I admired his bravery.

So many times I sing or dance to my music in my car, Treebert, and then I stop whenever at a stoplight. Why do I care? Everybody sings and/or dances in their car! This guy (who I'm guessing is a DJ) even shares his wicked moves at a red light on his scooter for all to gape at.

New goal: Don't make fun of "that girl" in the car next to me, wide-mouthed with her hair whipping her face because she's singing out loud to her favorite tune! She's confident. She's cool. So is Vespa DJ. So will I be too.

-Sam

ONE MORE YEAR!!!

Well folks...it looks like we're sticking around for yet another year. We've already received some crap and i'm sure there is more on the way, but we'll just have to take it. I'm so excited that we get another year with our roommates, friends and families. (Other than the Sorenson's who will be deeply missed.)
It's been pretty clear all along that I haven't been stoked to go, so the decision to stay had to come from my lovely girlfriend. It didn't take more than a half of a second to convince me. This year I hope to accomplish a lot. I wanted to go back to school but apparently 2 weeks before the sememster starts isn't enough time. I'm planning on applying to the U and hopefully I can join the university for Spring sememster. Sam and I are both very excited to participate in the Dirty Dash with our sisters next month. Sam and I have always wanted to do a race together, but unfortunately this one won't be it. She is going to be on a team with her sister Lindsay and some friends, and I'll be on a team with my sisters and some friends. One day Sam, one day. If I could only convince Sam to marry me in the next year that would be awesome. I think she wants to wait until we're home from LA but that could be another 3 years or more, I should have a child by then!
I feel happy to be able to stay in Utah another year and I hope to live up every last second of it. So excited to start it off with a trip to Bear Lake with the family!

Ch-ch-ch-church!

I went to church today.

It's always interesting to attend church when it was all you knew your entire life and now it's just somewhere I go to hear a family member speak, sing or like today, a baby blessing.

As most people know Sam has a very strong testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints and I do not. It's hard for me to sit still in my pew and listen to things that are said. I strongly disagree with a lot of things that are said and I think people are oblivious to what they are saying and who it's affecting. I am reminded each time why I no longer attend church.

Half way through testimony meeting I leaned over to Sam and said, "Now it's your turn." She responded with, "I actually thought about it." I would have LOVED for Sam to go up and share her testimony with the members of the congregation, my family specifically. Someone who has every reason to disagree with the church, yet still loves it and supports it. While I stir uncomfortably in my seat, Sam experiences feelings of peace and love.

I have a lot to learn from Sam. Not that I should agree or believe what she does, but to relax. I was in the position of so many of the people in the chapel today for over 20 years. How can I be so quick to get offended and be angry at people who are living what they believe?

If I can't soften my heart and try to come to a place of understanding and love, then going to church isn't a place for me. So, since I would hate to miss out on separating my two nieces during sacrament because they have a case of the giggles, or winking back and forth at my nephews, I better change something. The church isn't going to be changing so I might as well. I know what members believe and I know what's going to be said before I enter those doors. Therefore, it's my choice to go and take a seat.

I am thankful for the life experiences I have had and that my mind has been opened. I have been able to have a better understanding of so many people I used to fear. I love the people in my life from every end of the spectrum.

Pride for Pride?

I never thought I'd go to the Pride Parade, even after I comfortably came out and moved in with Elise. I thought I'd be happy being me, but not go to events that showed off what I was scared to be. Now...I've been twice.

It's definitely an interesting experience, being around so many others just like me. Perhaps these people enjoying the parade were raised a certain religion that teaches against their being gay, perhaps they had no religion at all. Maybe their parents kicked them out when they came out, maybe they embraced them more. All these people at or in this parade are either gay, or support their friends and family who are. That is why I go to the parade. I don't go to flaunt anything, or to offend anyone; I go to surround myself for one day of the year with people who know what it's like to be gay and have to face the same adversities. Everyone needs to feel support and unity, and this is the day for the gays. ;)

I don't fully understand though, why people who are into whips and chains and tickle torture are in the same parade...I guess it's because Pride celebrates diversity and alternative lifestyles more so than just homosexuality. I just don't love that people tie all those things together with being gay though, because then the people who already don't like gay people assume we're all the same. We're not, obviously. I'm not into leather chaps, dancing at clubs, handcuffs, sleeping around, drinking, or anything like that. But I am gay. And I do love a lot of people who are into such things. They're great people too.

I don't really have a point to all that. As usual, I'm just writing whatever comes to my brain.

I love you, Elise. Above any pride I might have for being gay, I am proud you're mine.